What'supReaders?

The dimensions of patriarchal oppression often you realise has many facets. The pain of oppression is in the consciousness, in being aware that you are oppressed. A clueless fool is a happy fool. This short piece is one of the many chapters of how I document the oppression of women in Northern Nigeria through a combination of personal narratives and interviews. First thing you need to know if you’ve never been to Northern Nigeria is that it’s a deeply gendered society, this often interlays with sex which is governed through religious beliefs. Today I outline a brief encounter that got me thinking about how men negotiate women’s sexuality in subtle indirect ways of policing you. But first of all, I must tell you where this oppression is, my body, as in the female body is the site of oppression. Take this for the context, I was getting dressed up to attend an interview. While the initial outfit I had picked technically had nothing wrong with it from my deciphering of Islamic ...

About time I made the rant about my generations' very immature relationship with money, partly its the fault of this "insta-life" noose we have hung ourselves with. What I would try to put across in this blogpost is how intrinsically related your financial situation and your friendship groups are using some examples from my personal life experiences.  When I turned 18 and started "adulting", it was about the same time some hard realities hit Nigeria's economy. I am very grateful to God that my parents made sure we never lacked and have the best life can offer WITHIN their means. That was not necessarily true for me, when I was in my undergraduate here in London (bear in mind that London is stupendously expensive to live in), I had a nice group of friends from overwhelmingly rich homes. And being within that circle came at a cost, I was being reckless with money, partly because I had never actually had to earn my way all that time. I never stopped ...

Waiting for you to love me like I deserve it,  even though most nights, I fall asleep knowing I never deserved you.  Even for a minute I would give blood and sweat, for you to love me again, like you once did.  Im hurting, but so are you.  I wish I never wasted your love.  But I'll wait a thousand months, for you to love me like you did, Love me once again like I deserve it. 

Teach me to love, but let me live. Leave me to fail, let me fall. even if I don't gain, I'll feel the pain. to earn, the virtue to learn. Even if I fail, let me learn to walk in my own footsteps.  By righteousness to me, let me know the consciousness, of my being.

How I see relationships , is that it is relativity to the world, every new relationship is us, presenting ourselves to the world, to other , a chaotic conundrum of perspective taking.  It is also us consuming the universe, bringing foreign objects into our spheres and looking for safety from without. It is an ugly thing; then we take something so ugly and make it beautiful and shape it with our expectations of the ideals. Sometimes when we get it wrong, we are giving our pound of flesh for free. But then again, that is just my melancholic opinion.  Sacrificing and defying archetypes for unreasonable reasons. In being selfish I learnt how to have a relationship with myself first , other second. But I also felt the pain of being whole, being an end in myself and a trust that starts with me and ends in my principles.   Every new relationship is us, presenting our new selves to the world, debutants to the world of familiar for unreasonable reasons. Eve...

Sometimes we chose the tough path only because we believe that to achieve important things, we have to take the tough path . We feel the need to constantly punish ourselves , why not the easy way out? What is so bad about it? Especially when we are not prepared for the tough path. Why climb mountains when you are not ready to?                                                                         - Dr. Zendaghi (Played by Shah rukh khan)  

Not all babies are cute, can we at least admit that? Some children are vile and far from innocent, have I lied?  My friends might not be good people,  myself too? You sort of agree with Trump... I shouldn't say that? I cannot tell my boyfriend I hate his sister or his mother, can you?  We should not talk about sex, it's inappropriate  am I right?  Your family is bothersome, can they not be? Honesty is the best policy, is it not?  What are you scared of baby? 

As per rice, before the jollof Wisdom is your grandmother telling you to soak it for an hour, "experience" is your mother telling you to 3 table spoons of oil per cup, innovation is you using butter to fry the soaked rice first.  You're welcome!

Just a metaphor for "you have now fully transformed into the idealised male-oriented beauty standards" , and henceforth you will be subjected to objectification and sexualisation by the society.  Yes; you have truly become a standard product and now you have to go to crazy lengths to maintain this current value before you depreciate. 

If you're a self-sabotager, this piece is for you. There are hundreds of thousands of articles and blog posts on how to be a better boyfriend or girlfriend. Find out if they're cheating, or if your partner is a liar. This is not about saving your relationship, this is how you can kill your relationship without a chance of revival. These are based on years of cumulative experiences, experiments, and accidents. So this is how you snuff the life out of your relationship. Be absolutely self-serving.  Make the entire relationship about you, how can your partner engage in activities are beneficial to you alone not you as a couple? Make sure their existence is about you, how they can go out of their way every time to please you (including the sack). You MUST make sure they are a means to an end. Any chance of learning about each other or growing together, make it about your life, your own experiences, what you like and don't like. Their feelings are after all second to your...

I stopped lying because it was simply boring. There is always this cozying expectation that comes with lies, to protect yourself or someone, out of fear or uncertainty. I have learned to love the look of reckless abandon on people's faces when I tell them the truth , regardless of if I am hurting myself or their expectations. You can almost see their brain trying to reconcile what happened with their expectations of cozy lies, watching people frantically look for the threads of reality to continue the conversation seamlessly, watching them grasp at fear I mean its almost...cruelly poetic. The ability to walk away from lying when it is an option if the greatest form of freedom, true liberty and growth. It is standing in the face of unformed realities and taking a plunge. It can absolutely go wrong, don't misunderstand me...it not necessarily about morals and ethics, but about living like the all those cheesy quotes we read but don't manifest. Lying, so easy but rarely i...

 Nigeria's economy may be in a recession, but the wedding industry begs to differ with the ever-increasing cost of weddings in Nigeria (stupendous if you're in Abuja). The smallest event has you spending a wholesome 500 thousand naira for 100 guests to the more lavish society weddings that can total a whooping 30 Million naira.  It is safe to say if you are in the wedding planning business (make-up, catering, event centres, furnishing, tailoring, photography) , you're a "big man". With the population of Nigeria at around 200 million people and growing ; things are not slowing down, if you can afford it , I'm down for the small chops (spring rolls, samosas , puff puff) . I personally enjoy scrolling through Bellanaijaweddings into the ungodly hours of the night admiring the cheerful brides; but my issues are with the receipts. Here is what I mean: the number of divorcees and single parents is getting alarming. It is estimated that 1 in 5 girls will b...

This man-made God,  the politically-aware one.  With pockets deeper than Rockefeller, hungry for the change in your pocket. ,the 21st century alpha omega he doesn't give his followers a book or ask for prayers,  uses "likes" as a criteria for your piety.  This new god that is so dynamic, ever-changing, politically correct.  he sits on boardrooms and lobbies for peace and blessings;  accustomed to luxury.  flies in jets and gives his love to the highest bidder. forgiveness is auctioned, conscience-free. he, the one whom oppresses women and rapes little boys, pro-bloodshed;  and depending on what he is selling,  hell is conditional, on whether you're buying what he is selling.  safe, as long as you can afford his heaven. This god, the one whom insists you show-off how charitable you are on Facebook, this Instagram god,  the one who sitting with his diary,  writing the names of thos...

What'supReaders?: The minds who fell out of time : To you what is life is to me where death awaits.  Slow is to catch where the fire smoked.  But to burn brighter than the fore...

1. It is okay not to know,  but never let ignorance be your excuse.  2. Don't be scared to ask for help, but never trust those that exchange favours. 3.The right thing is often difficult, but it is always worth it. 4. You are your utmost priority, don't compromise yourself. Keep your shame intact (don't ever put yourself in a precarious position where you would be referred to as "shameless") 5. Have sense of pride, but never let pride overcome common sense. 6. Always learn to look the other way, you'll thank yourself for that someday. 7. Humble yourself, before life humbles you. 8. Be strong, but never let strength become your greatest weakness. 9. Walk with everyone, and no one. 10. Help others, to help yourself. 11. If you're wrong, you're wrong; get over it. Learn.

7 Simple steps to being a better you 1. When someone is telling you their problems, remember it's not a competition ; so please don't try to bombarde them with similar stories about yourself.  2. Always, always give them your full face and body 3. Do I even have to add , please don't cross your hands, you will come across as judgemental.  4. Paraphrase what they told you, thus making sure you actually understand what they are trying to tell you.  5. Sometimes, people just want to be heard; not every story is begging for your advice or input. So unless asked...just f**king hear them out and stop trying to solve everyone's problem. You have two ears and one mouth for a reason. 6. If you understand , vocalise it "I understand" 7. Now repeat 1-6. 

What'supReaders?: Your Nose - My Business : My people call it "amebo", for your non-familiarity sake ; lets call it "longer throat". The phenomena whereby your ...

My people call it "amebo", for your non-familiarity sake ; lets call it "longer throat". The phenomena whereby your neck so elongated, it's disconnected from the reality of your body. You can neither see the pit you're falling into nor the foul stench coming from your armpit. But you're the case officer of her life, often even self-anointed counsellor, therapist, judge , jury and verdict; and you're not even scared to play God. With all those judgements you dole out, it's safe to say we know why God 'rested'. In this your play of chameleon, you justify your hypocrisy with false righteousness, but I can not condemn you and become you. 

Funny, it's my dreams that keep me awake at nights. Thoughts of tomorrow, plans and ambitions. I am young enough to be tired. Thoughts of love (which I don't believe in ), of hope (I could really use another spoonful) , sometimes even a husband and bliss . I think my failures (good for the soul) , and hope.  Funny it's my dreams that haunt me every night. so every morning it's SOS, when I wake up tired, Birkins under my eyes, to slide through another day, often without meanings.  Remember it's our dreams that really keeps us awake at night.

The grief that takes your hope is despair, I pray I never treat you like your life can have sums, I pray I never put a pricetag on your happiness, I pray I never walk the path of the world that leads me away from you, I pray my love for you is without conditions, I pray I never leave you at my gate crying, or knock at my door and leave you unanswered, I pray I never side with your enemy, I pray my heart is home enough for you, I pray you never doubt my love for you is true, I pray I never have to say "I'm sorry for hurting you" I pray I never give you despair... I pray I can love you like I was never loved.