How To : Be A Better Listener

7 Simple steps to being a better you

1. When someone is telling you their problems, remember it's not a competition ; so please don't try to bombarde them with similar stories about yourself.

2. Always, always give them your full face and body

3. Do I even have to add , please don't cross your hands, you will come across as judgemental.

4. Paraphrase what they told you, thus making sure you actually understand what they are trying to tell you.

5. Sometimes, people just want to be heard; not every story is begging for your advice or input. So unless asked...just f**king hear them out and stop trying to solve everyone's problem. You have two ears and one mouth for a reason.

6. If you understand , vocalise it "I understand"

7. Now repeat 1-6.

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Lessons unlearned : On Respect

Photo by Lisa Herbert You can't burn bridges then ask me to find my way back. Like where all good things come from; Twitter, I read that you cannot heal in the same environment you got sick . Never appreciated the value of that simple statement until I woke up choking , in absolute seething anger , at family mostly .Because although I have mastered the 'outside people' , here I am , the 'outside people' to my inside people . And there is nothing I could do . My mum said never to use the word "hate" . It's ugly and cheap and so absolute . So here is my unlearned lesson; that loyalty must be given to family . No ! Loyalty , respect and all that is wanted must be given to those that earned it .

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As per rice, before the jollof Wisdom is your grandmother telling you to soak it for an hour, "experience" is your mother telling you to 3 table spoons of oil per cup, innovation is you using butter to fry the soaked rice first. You're welcome!

Space off.

We all need space. Just enough to let us grow, but not too much that you feel forgotten and left out. S easy to succumb to the charm. pain holds you back, and every night you're on your knees same prayer, "Make me bigger, my voice heard, a better day tomorrow". Tough night, tomorrow is the same, same fake smiles...but you're honestly trying but the scariest thing is remembering, fragments and pieces of a painful past you were too young to remember or know better. fuck this, another day ill deal with this shit, but when. All I have to make is a single phone call, get it off my chest, tell them that i remember now everything that they did, and you know better, but you're not doing it just for that. its because you need to grow . because maybe, just maybe the pain will stop and you can trust again, maybe even feel beautiful and carefree like you once did...damn! thats a long shot , but its worth trying right? but i never do, so every day i dont, a small piece of ...

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