Nigeria's economy may be in a recession, but the wedding industry begs to differ with the ever-increasing cost of weddings in Nigeria (stupendous if you're in Abuja). The smallest event has you spending a wholesome 500 thousand naira for 100 guests to the more lavish society weddings that can total a whooping 30 Million naira. It is safe to say if you are in the wedding planning business (make-up, catering, event centres, furnishing, tailoring, photography) , you're a "big man".
With the population of Nigeria at around 200 million people and growing ; things are not slowing down, if you can afford it , I'm down for the small chops (spring rolls, samosas , puff puff) . I personally enjoy scrolling through Bellanaijaweddings into the ungodly hours of the night admiring the cheerful brides; but my issues are with the receipts.
Here is what I mean: the number of divorcees and single parents is getting alarming. It is estimated that 1 in 5 girls will be married and divorced before they reach adulthood in Northern Nigeria (
Teenage Divorces) . Divorce rates in northern Nigeria are among the highest in West Africa with one in three marriages fail within the first three years.
Divorces in the North. So why all these divorces?
Married Children
Nigeria (especially the North) boasts of some the world highest rates of all child marriages with the average girl child married by her 15th birthday. While there are laws in place that dictate the legal age of consent as 18, unfortunately each state in Nigeria has the constitutional right to amend legislation to comply with its local traditions and religion, meaning that federal government is rendered powerless to impose a minimum age of marriage nationwide. Often this child brides are left at the mercy of a man to finish growing up . But then again, this is a purely socio-cultural problem predominant in the North.
Also read
Factors influencing divorce rates in Nigeria, to understand why a lot of men in Nigeria prefer to marry fairly educated girls.
Ticking Time-bomb
We all grow up defining our ideal, what our perfect man or woman would be, how we will raise our own offsprings, detailing our lives and fine tuning our ideal marital home to perfection. But the divide with reality begins at the unripe age of 20 whereby if you're female relatives start asking about their "in-laws" and by 25 they all have a despondent look in their eyes and often blame themselves for doing something wrong (soon you begin to believe it too, that something is wrong with you). For the male counterparts it begins at 27 and by 33 their at a full-blown panic desperation and engage in manic attempts to find a bride (preferably : young and inexperienced) to settle down; I know this because I have met a handful of them that proposed after our very plentiful all in all four skype calls (bear in mind I was 17 then). In all this rush to either be married because your parents want it, or fear of loneliness, we find ourselves settling for anything we can find just to join the mysterious ranks of the married.
Bandwagon Effect
I blame this entirely on social media and the unscrupulous romanticising of the marriage institution. They are especially good at selling illusions of happy weddings; and yes I say weddings because the ceremony is in no way a reflection of the marriage itself. It is a well orchestrated but cliche charades which we have seen over and over again, nonetheless; we will still love to munch, screen grab our favourite "asoebi" combination. All of this fuel the ticking time bomb phenomena and the cycle continues. Often I have found myself 'gisting' with a couple of girlfriends and we discuss someone's wedding with lustful longing in our voices usually ending in "mehn...cannot wait for my own". I remember wanting to be married simply because a couple of my friends from primary school were (talk about long-term peer pressure); all the while fully knowing I have not the first clue how to actually care for myself talk less of being responsible for a home or a life I might bring into the world. People are getting married for the weddings, their fifteen minutes in the spotlight.
1+1= 3, Wealthy ever after
And of course the biggest motivator of them all; money. Like my friend Hauwa would say "if you father is nobody in Nigeria, no one will marry you". Men are always fuming that women are gold-diggers, that is true but I will discuss this objectively in another blog post lookout for it! But the truth is that it is a two way street, the men just as much hunt for wealthy socialites to marry mostly it will look good in photos, but also on paper and I mean paper in every sense of the word (financially, politically and economically). And I don't blame either, given the option I would happily take my son-of-a-somebody over a promising someone, that is because of the common-sense instilled by our culture of nepotism in Nigeria. No one really wants to take the gamble on love based on romance when you can have Made in Paris; afterall it's much easier to love you in our Mercedes than Honda. But I must point out in the long run, just as they like to say love cannot pay the bills, the bills cannot buy affection long-term.
So when you have this cocktail of misplaced priorities, can we honestly say happily ever after is just around the corner or it's just another hashtags. But then again, these are just my opinions, if you have more please let me know in the comments.
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