What'supReaders?

Usually sounds like; 1. I don't know, you decide... 2. I'm not sure. 3. I'm so sorry, i was with my guys.. ill make it up to you 4. Was going to but... 5. So what you wanna do ? Yeah, they all sound familiar probably, bottom line DON'T DATE A MAYBE MAN. Because he will always have another excuse just up his sleeve, that's his go to tactic, soon you're going to be in an "excusationship". there will always be a reason as to why he fell short again. I mean what are you doing at this age (I'm assuming you're in your 20's) with a man who can not make up his mind. chances are if his daily goals are this clouded his long term goals including you and the relationship are unfocused in his mind do. With one or both people being unclouded in the relationship it will soon get boring and a means to an end. 

I am watching "Being Mary Jane". That's beside the point, how are you? Today what I want to get off my chest is the issue of pride. its ruining all the good memories waiting to be made. You're too big to admit the mistake you made, now you're lying in bed at 4am and your demons are eating you away because you didn't want to want to appear weak, anyway that aside.  I have fucked up a lot of my relationships because of one reason or the other, pride and the common enemy; jealousy. But one thing that remains a theme in most failed relationships is inconsistency, I think without a doubt most females are just looking for consistency, something they can rely on or a man they can depend on when it counts. I have had a couple of relationships behind me, and gradually you start to think then even believe that the problem is you when it's really neither of your faults. I'll leave this here, unfinished because I do have coursework waiting on me. Hopefully, i...

Spoke to her today, she sounded bad , real bad ...like the sound of when all hope is lost. Here I am in tears. It's been years but I had no idea it had become this bad. I wish I knew ; but worst of all I wish there was something I could do. I tried to sound strong for her, for the millions of times she did for me. But here I am, in tears. I wish I knew all these years how her troubles ran deep. How unhappy she was, but she was so good at hiding it. She would smile always so I wouldn't see how broken she was. Bad things had happened but she never sounded hopeless until today. I feel like taking my own life , so I don't live to see her this sad. This unhappy , but that will be selfish. I couldn't put anymore sadness in her life.

I have done this too many times. I met a guy , he wasn't nice or dead gorgeous , but he was sweet. He waits a lot , for me to get ready, to watch an episode with me, for me to calm down. I fell in love...but despite all the cues; he didn't catch me. He let me fall on the cold hard grounding reality, and now my heart and my body is bruised. I keep trying to comfort myself that it will fade out fast, and asking the FAQ's of any love story gone bad like sour yoghurt; "was it something I did or said?" "Did he see something bad about me" "is this God or karma?". And I did the general stuff, fell into a depressive cycle of binge eating and what not. But here I am again,.picking myself up for the 10000th time because I left myself play ice skate on super thing ice. I wish you needed me like I needed you. But positivity is the watch word for this year, so I am going to stay looking bright and comfort. 

Time is so precious. It's literally the one thing you cannot actually afford to waste, not on anyone or anything. Sometimes the phases in your life move so slowly you're stuck in an emotional purgatory, yes it happens ; but surely you don't it your valuable growing time wallowing in the pain. That is not okay..You have to overcome it and outgrow it.  My recent words to live by have become "if it doesn't pleases me, change it" either by throwing it out or transforming it , be it a negative situation or a positive one. You cannot afford to waste time on bad relationships, uncertainty, or even your past. They are gone. Now just grow. Harder, Better, Stronger, and Faster.

Okay so recently, I got betrayed by someone I thought I knew too well. Pretty disgusting huh? But yeah it happens. The funniest part was I was not even sad or angry, it was like I had been expecting it all along. But anyways , it was an eye opener . I feel the best I have since I probably saw my first period LOL! Anyways...I just noticed that I say that a lot...But it looks like since I finally removed the last chain from this anchor, I grew...No not physically silliest. But in spirit and strength. Can you relate ? When are you going to cut off those that bring you down ? 

Lets do an evaluation, the greatest teachers ever to have lived didnt even have a class room, Mohammed, the Prophet, Jesus Christ , the Messiah. But we know thier message by heart, held on to every word. So everytime I sit in class, and the tables and chairs, space and lines,spacing our abilities so that they never really mean anything,drawing a lines, no boundaries to our capabilities, with a recommended message . Our imaginations are bounded by some standardised tests.The greatest teachers taught in a circle, of companions. let me expand on the beauty of a circle, its endless, no beginning no end just like how our imaginations ought to be, to circumference of a circle is  C = 2 π r.  and usually pie = 3.14, but here is the best piece of that pie, pie  is endless, it goes on till every number meaning  anything and everything has been represented. My birth date,  your death date . And that is how learning should be,  a ...

Well you have to excuse me if I'm not a fan anymore to your little game shows that you put up. I am not calling this roulette love anymore . Chances are you might call today or not. Remember me this week or not. Everything has never once been about me but this has revolved around what is convinient for you. If you're reading this, do not wait to be loved and cared about. Do not be scared, take that bold step but I warn you you might stumble. But at least be bold enough to love yourself first. Life as I have learnt in my short 18 years is too damn (excuse my language) precious to be wasted on people who only want to be there for the opening act not the entire show. People are temporary. I have learnt that. People will use you. I have seen that. But self love is the water in your blood. It will keep you afloat even if you're too drained to recuperate.

To you what is life is to me where death awaits.  Slow is to catch where the fire smoked.  But to burn brighter than the forecast .  A Sun sets slowly and lowly a fiery ball of doom.  Steadily stealthy the night comes. Death awaits.  But we are a people without time.

So recently I had a move, from my old apartment to my new one and believe me. It was TEDIOUS work. It took me about 9 trips to move all of my things to my new place. Bearing in mind that I'm a university student barely 18 years and I had so many possessions and yet my life was empty, dull and generally uneventful. Over the years I had struggled with depression and social anxiety and as a result my favourite thing to cope was going shopping...alone. I enjoyed it. I had always managed to convince myself that I deserved everything I got and looked forward to every weekend to "stimulate the economy" as I had put it. Unfortunately the more things I bought, the less happy I became because you see here is how the cycle goes; I buy things I usually left them on my bed to try on...as my place was tiny when I needed to sleep I'd push them to the floor, and the heap grew and I often forgot stuff that I owned so I just bought more. My place was extremely untidy and I became mor...

I went on to appreciate other forms of art

For the sake of my seed, I loved you, but your love broke me dislocated shoulder. you said sorry, it was the liquor I loved you, but the wall also loved me because I found myself constantly slammed into it you said you'd control it. and I loved you. because its was hard being alone I loved you, even when you said my scars were ugly you forgot you put them there, but I only loved you now for the sake of our vows I loved you, and i walked on eggshells, so as not to break your wrath or even cross your path. but i loved you, now for the sake of your child i carry. I had loved you, but my child even more. but you kicked our baby and she was no more then I didn't love you. and you broke me I loved you, but tonight I kill you, and I break this thing called love.

Her hair was in cornrows, the way my mother had done mine severally; but her skin, it was so dark and shiny, not like the normal African skin or the colour of her people, Her skin was dark the colour of hate and destruction, it was dark...like fire had burned it. She lay face down turned away from the sky she will never see again and the little black child next to her lay there armless and burnt as well...yes this is my country 2015. my people. burned like swine, women raped like slaves and the children many died and melted onto the mothers they were latching onto when the bomb went off. Mother dear, you will not die. I have never seen disaster, but that wouldn't stop the tears from flowing, because every time I see another photo, not in the main media but the little blogs that cared to post...I don't think of it as another dead body, no that's what people who cant imagine do. i think of all their possible names; Aisha? Zainab? Fatima? These are popular names amongst ...